The Story of how the Visiting Canadian Matriarch Ended up in Emergency Hospital

 A mock epic by PAK. October 2020

29.1.2017

Everyone was heading to Archies and Teresa's home for the Latino Family Reunion.

the Matriarch and Guillermo (sometimes known as "Ramon") were flying in from Canada via Sydney to Launceston. Their 3 adult daughters were driving up from Hobart to see them disembark the aeroplane, and to celebrate the reunion of the Matriarch with her sister - the other arm of the tasmania history - Teresa.

The Children themselves had come from Canada a week earlier. They themselves, amongst themselves, had a broiling 'no talking' argument. Perhaps the incident to be related may heal the rift? 

Anyway, the Arch had a few 'plants' in the greenhouse, and his son Manuel was conspiring to make some green 'cookies'.

The long BBQ spit was loaded for the first time with the pig and the chicken. 

the aromas drifted through the outdoor gazebo. Timing was crucial - pork must be well cooked but not dried out. Chicken much shorter cooking time. Tantalizing aromas made for anticipation and a growing hunger in some.

Arch was on the job (of cooking), but also mixing the cookie mixture.

so, the day moved on to 25 degrees - all in the pool, games, splashing and a little sun for all the aged bodies, and the young ones too.

Just now, the day after Teresa Snr says "I have been dreaming horrible things - torture for poor Manuel". What does she know?!

Tio Pepe has gone to get milk.....

So, the meal is devoured promptly - about 3pm - mid between lunch and dinner. Wine, beer, splashes on the table, and the parched throats.

Then the revelation - the cookies had been drying above the stove, when the Matriarch takes one - she is apprehended and made to disgorge the uneaten half. Unbeknownst to her, the green is not spinach.

Meanwhile, and before the Arch - not experienced with biscuits - takes 3 - "they don't seem to work" he confides to a select core of those present. but he didn't know of the dela - one should wait 45 minutes for the experience. so he is surely and sorely overpowered.

And so to is the Matriarch. At 85 years, the body is frail and intoxicants can be powerful.

Palpitations, blood pressure changes, and fear - maybe it is something worse? so the ambulance service is called.

To the hospital, and the family attend. It is crowded around the bedside. It is until 1.30am the next morning they leave, and the Matriarch can rest under objective observation.

so, now it is 11.30am on Monday, and the Matriarch is to be discharged. Diagnosis: lack of experience with hallucinogens. Concerns re heart and cerebral incident can be set aside.

They dynamics of the family 'assertions' about the role and responsibility of the 3 Sisters, and also of the Arch, and of course the Launceston based Manuel: all for now hopefully to be just sweepings from the table to the carpet (or under the carpet) and soon to be the substance of laughter.

Later that same day.....

At approximately 1pm the hospitalised matriarch was released, and carried home to Amand Cres. weakened by the invasive interrogation and fear of flying, she collapsed on the lounge.

She explains her fears and good diagnosis and her lack of understanding (education?) about how this could have arisen.

Archie recalcitrant approaches and whispers "But it was my fault - the cookies had cannabis".  The Matriarch: "Really? But is is my fault (she retorts), because you told me not to but yet I sneaked back and had 2 more".

So diagnosis: not just some, but an overdose.

Arch is somewhat exonerated, at least in the court of public opinion, if not by those who exact higher standards, but remains answerable to his wife.

Photos and celebrations for life resumed. The 3 sisters surrund their mother, the father joins in the pose. They have been married now for 60 years.

The Matriarch's sister of Launceston, who is suffering herself from a little degenerative disorientation, chirps up: "Who is that man next to Toche?"!

Toche then reveals the truth of the situation to Tia Tete - and she says "what!, they gave ou marijuana at the hospital?"

So levity replaces the apparent near death seriousness, the family unites without grief, the Matriarch and Willy start to plan holidays at home from now on, and moving their assets out of South America to Australia.

The darkness of the sky lifts, and 'all back to tools'.